| The Downward Spiral ... Not Just a NIN Album Anymore! |
[Oct. 4th, 2006|04:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
Update on health issues, for those concerned:
My blood tests, heart monitor and MRI are all clean. Strangely enough, all show that I'm healthier than I have ever been physically. However my dizzy spells still continue. Here are the options left:
- Panic attacks, and possibly developing agoraphobia. We're trying me on Paxil CR since the Clonazepam (spelling?) didn't do dick-all. I really don't like it so far. I've barely slept and my dry mouth is severe making everything taste wrong. I'm really panicky and emotional and paranoid, but it's supposed to get worse before it gets better according to the pamphlet. I'm giving the meds another week, tops.
- Food allergies. My sister started to develop food allergies to corn and tomatoes around my age. Passing out, etc. Almost exactly what I'm going through, but she got really blotchy too and had some other symptoms that were obviously allergy-related. I just get dizzy spells. It's the next course of action, so just waiting on my reaction to these meds right now.
- Early menopause. No, I'm not kidding. My cycle is WAY off and I'm on the pill. My nurse friend said that with stress and my body type, and my history of cycle issues down south it's not unheard of. I'm exhibiting signs of it. Again, one thing at a time.
To make matters worse, I got called for the jury selection process today. Last time, I was actually selected as juror 7 and went through 5 weeks of looking at autopsy photos, which I shall never forget for the rest of my life. I can't go through it again. My entire immune system shut down during the last day of sentencing and I almost had to go to the hospital. I think a doctor's note will get me out of it this time though. I really, really hope. |
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| An Island of Bricks and Mortar |
[Sep. 26th, 2006|01:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  pessimistic | ] |
Today is my second day of being unemployed before I start a 9-week course at the college in a few weeks. I'm really starting to get sick of everyone saying how wonderful it must be, like they forget I'm completely housebound and think cabin fever is a vacation.
My dizzy spells prevent me from driving, going to the mall or grocery shopping by myself, or being an independent person in general. It sucks even worse when suddenly you realize you're the only person you know with a car and no one can help you, or is willing to.
Please don't be a tool and suggest a bus or walking. I couldn't stand the embarrasment of fainting in either scenario and relying on strangers to help me. If I can't rely on my friends, how in the hell can I rely on anyone else? |
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| Instructions: Preheat oven to 350 F. Insert nervous girl onto rack. Baking time: 45 minutes! |
[Sep. 18th, 2006|04:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  grumpy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | VNV Nation - Epicentre | ] |
So, my MRI today sucked. Sucked bad.
Things I knew going in:
I'd be in a fully enclosed space. It's ok. I'm fine with confined spaces.
No metal. S'ok. Piercings can come out.
No tattoos with iron oxide. No probs. That came outta most inks around 15 years ago.
Things I should have been warned about:
You're in the tube for 45 minutes and can't move a freaking muscle. Breathing excepted.
The tube makes very loud jackhammering noises and other construction-type sounds.
In your SKULL.
Sometimes the noises are so loud, the bed that you're on actually shakes, but not in the quarter-a-ride-type fun motel beds.
After about twenty minutes, you can actually feel the pressure and magnetic pull in your brain. Not just a vacuous cranium pressure, but you can actually feel it on the grey matter itself.
Your skull-muscle starts to feel like it's getting warmer and warmer and that someone just hit the broil feature on your oven. Still feels a little browned and crisped to perfection, kids. If Betty Crocker was a doctor, she's be damned proud of that MRI tech today.
Granted, this may not happen with all MRIs, but they happened to my today. If you ever have to get one done, don't let me freak you right out, just please ask a lot of questions and don't let them shrug you off without giving you answers.
In Other News...Sort Of
I tried sleeping off the discomfort for a few hours so I could try to make it into work, but the nap just didn't cut it. Even now, it feels the same. Not headachy, but more like a flaky pastry. Dry, crispy, unpleasant when in relation to your mental health.
I call work to tell them I'll have to make it in tomorrow and just can't be there today and my boss is an absolute CUNT about it. No sympathy or compassion whatsoever. I'm sorry, but I'm not calling in because "my stomach hurts," or "I don't feel so good." I just had an intense scan of my brain done by a machine the side of an Escalade. Give me a little more credit, please.
I'm quitting. Going to school for specialized training. No more bullshit. Let's see how well they manage once they realize that I was doing my bosses job for her while she "worked" from home and watched Dr. Phil.
Please Hold Canada, you can take your message-on-hold phone systems and shove it right up your butt-set.
(Yes, you'll only get that last line if you've worked with phone equipment before, especially wiring on-site, but if you get it, I know you're fucking laughing your arse off.) |
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| Insane in the membrane! Insane in the brain! |
[Sep. 17th, 2006|08:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  nervous | ] |
I have an MRI tomorrow. A little nervous.
Anyone ever had one before? Any details or tips? My doctor wasn't so great with an explanation about the process or what to expect.
(And if you don't get my title, I'm very ashamed to be on your friends list.) |
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| Please Excuse Me While I Angsterbate |
[Aug. 30th, 2006|05:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
How is it that everyone seems to want to make more friends, but no one seems willing to put any effort into it?
Did I just mentally step out of the 1800's where it seems alliances and friends-to-the-end really mattered and were worth dying over and sacrificing things for?
Only to wind up stuck in a shallow, narcissitic world where the only friends people are willing to make are those who look good on one's arm and life-resume? Oh, and of course, never anyone who looks better than you in any way because you can't stand the competition.
Jesus Effing Christ, people. Get over yourselves.
Stabby rip stab stab! The angst! |
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| Life Is Truly Stranger Than Fiction |
[Jul. 31st, 2006|07:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  mischievous | ] |
Proof that being strange runs in the family...
I picked my Mum up from the train station on Friday night. She had just come back from her month-long Scottish family visit and vacation. She then proceeded to tell me that my cousin now has a female partner and is a Dominatrix.
Even stranger? I think I love my cousin all the more for it and actually for the first time 100% believe that I am not adopted or a pure fluke of genetics.
I wonder whose arse she might be flogging right about now? |
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| Oh So Angsty |
[Jul. 11th, 2006|08:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
So torn.
So very, very divided between the love and career.
For years now, I've been dying to go back to school and get a diploma and start on my way to having a very real job. Not one of those jobs for spare cash, or to save up for something you really want to do. You know, to be at the end of the road where you're actually doing what you love.
I'm about 99% sure I want to be a Librarian, or at the very least a Library Technician. Yes, I'm dying to be even more of a dork than I already am. The smell of musty old books, the textures of paper and leather and binding string under my fingertips, the sight of rows upon rows of other's fantasies and opinions all ready and waiting for you. Not to mention, I think I'd be one fucking hot-ass Librarian. I've got the funky glasses down pat already, after all.
What's the problem, then? Him. The boy. The love. He loves small-town-by-the-lake-living more than anyone I've ever met. His passions and his career and our house are already settled here. In order to do what I want, the only schools that teach this course are in Toronto and Ottawa. He'll never come with me. He hates the hustle and bustle and the sirens until dawn. Me? I find it quite comfortable and don't know if I could even come back to a city so limited in thought and culture.
Sarnia feels like a redneck retirement community, with a population of 80,000. Not fun, unless you're wrinkly and like cow-tipping.
Now, I ask myself, "Am I being selfish?" I have a house, an okay job, a cat, a backyard and one of the best men in the world by my side here. Only here though, and nowhere else. Hence the problem.
Goddamnit.
No, I don't expect you to solve my problems. I just needed to rant. In written form. With words. Precious, precious words. |
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| Blah |
[Jun. 2nd, 2006|12:33 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  drained | ] |
I want a new me. I think the old me's gone stale.
Sorry I'm never around. A girl at work quit recently, which means all of her work is now added to my already over-burdened workload.
Goddamn, I'm nothing but tired and bored (boring?) these days. |
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| Silly Me |
[Apr. 12th, 2006|06:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
Oh, silly, silly me. I actually expected someone to give a crap. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 8th, 2006|02:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
Oh my god, it's another update. You guys are getting spoiled.
1. Work's been craptacular. The politics around the office have been horrendous, resulting in one person already resigning, and 3 others almost walking out. It's a shame really, the job itself is actually kind of cool.
2. With the exception of all of your kind greetings and wishes, my birthday was horrible. I'm giving it one more year, and if it's bad again I just won't celebrate them anymore. Pretty sad, huh?
3. I've been having on-again, off-again dizzy spells over the past few weeks, actually resulting in me passing out cold for about 15 seconds at the eye doctor's office last Thursday. I left work early on Friday to go the hospital as the dizzy spells were getting worse. The result? Strangely, my blood sugars are ok (I've been hypoglycemic for a while now), I'm not pregnant, but I do have a strange heart-beat irregularity. I may have a heart condition, and am seeing a Cardiologist at some point this week.
4. Spring? Where are you? Still sleeping. If you don't wake up soon, I think Winter might kick your ass for good. I might step in with a good kick to the ribs myself because you're stalling my gardening attempts, goddamnit!
5. I love you guys. Hope all is well. |
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| Why Bother? |
[Apr. 2nd, 2006|08:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crushed | ] |
So, far this birthday weekend has sucked ass. Why?
The hotel lost my reservation, didn't apologize, then charged me an extra $10 per person in the room.
The night clerk actually told me to "Shut up," so he could tell me where to park (and pay) after they gave out more parking vouchers for the free parking lot than they had parking spaces.
Almost everyone was strangely bitchy to me. With the exception of two people, I paid for my own drinks. Who does that on their own birthday?
So much for my milestone 25th. I'm actually sorry that my birthday is tomorrow because that means that the whole fucking ordeal isn't completely over with yet.
Yes, I'm being Emo. I really don't give a crap. People get EMOtionial when having their hopes dashed and their heart crushed. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 25th, 2006|12:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  dorky | ] |
 | You scored as The Sprightly Elfin Femme. Cute and irresistible, you inspire and foster the little kid in everyone. Also, you make the best cookies and cutest knit hats.
The Sprightly Elfin Femme | | 75% | The Pretty-Boi Dyke | | 65% | The Vaginal-Reference-Making Dyke | | 60% | The Little-Boy Dyke | | 60% | The Quasi-Gothic Femme | | 60% | The Femme Fatale | | 55% | The Bohemian Dyke | | 45% | The Stud | | 45% | The Surprise! Dyke | | 40% | The Student Dyke | | 40% | The Granola Dyke | | 35% | The Magic Earring Ken Dyke | | 30% | The Hipster Dyke | | 25% | </td>
What Type of Lesbian Are You? (Inspired by Curve Mag.)
created with QuizFarm.com |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 17th, 2006|10:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  restless | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Amduscia - Absolution | ] |
I know I haven't been around lately. It's because I'm stuck here:
Work. 10+ hours a day. Chained to my desk, and not liking it.
Because normally I like chains. And whips. And silk scarves. And ...
*sigh*
Happy St. Patrick's Day! |
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| Watch Out, She's Gonna Blow |
[Jan. 29th, 2006|02:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  enraged | ] |
Be careful when you ask me for an update. This is what you'll get
Ever watch Seinfeld? You probably have, whether you wanted to or not. Remember that one episode about the way George and his family celebrate the holiday season? You know, Festivas.
Ladies and Gentleman, pretend it’s Xmas again.
Prepare yourselves for the Outing of Grievances.
First, let me introduce myself. My real name is Shona. I live in Sarnia. I’m 24 (to be 25 in April) with a fairly decent job. I have a great boyfriend, Matt, and a cute cat and a home I’m really proud of. I have some good friends, and some really crappy ones. None of you are safe.
My family has been more than decent and have been there when I really needed help, financially or emotionally. None of you are safe, either.
Let me begin.
I am generous with my time and my money. I rarely ask for anything in return. But, when I do, please fucking do it. I shouldn’t have to plead or beg or manipulate the situation.
If I pay for your drinks some nights, or take you on road trips, please fucking offer to help out with the finances for the next night out. Don’t just sit there and whine how you don’t have money for a beer then not say thank you when I buy one for you. Don’t expect that Matt and I will take you to London for the weekend then not expect $5 in gas once in a while. Oh, and when I stop doing all that because I have bills of my own, don’t just immediately stop calling me because I’m no longer of any financial use to you. Also, if you are that pathetic, don’t call me your friend anymore because it sounds nice and makes you feel less guilty. Because I’m not.
It’s not just money, either. It’s all the emotional crap too. Don’t say you love me if you don’t. Due to people like you saying it flippantly like you’re handing out compliments and candy, “those three words” have lost their much-need value in society and mean a hell of a lot less to people who really should feel loved. Why? Because everyone deserves to feel loved, damnit. Even if it’s not that dramatic, romantic love that Romeo and Juliet sacrificed themselves for, it’s still fucking worth it. It’s like food and water to the emotionally starved. There are different kinds of love, yes. Don’t make each and every single one rotten.
Also, please don’t just say it and make me try to believe it if your actions don’t reflect it whatsoever. If I show my love by doing things you make you happy, please do it in return. Oh, and if I say to you that, “I love you,” don’t “Wubba,” me back. You either love me or you don’t. Fucking deal with the situation at hand and be honest.
Honesty? Oh, darling, how could I forget you too!? If I ask you to make plans with me that night and you’re tired or you want alone time, please say so. Don’t say you’ll be over around 8ish or 9ish or wheneverISH. If I make plans with you for wine and a movie, and you know I’m going out to buy both in time for our plans at ISHtime, please fucking SHOW UP. Don’t ditch me to watch TV or go out with your boyfriend and not bother calling me back. If I call you the next day to see why you didn’t show, don’t even bother fucking telling me you fell asleep. Why? There’s this thing called an alarm clock. I set it to wake me up when I have to be somewhere later. They sell them in stores. FUCKING BUY ONE, read the instructions and use the mother –fucker. It’s not difficult. Even for you.
Again, honesty. Expect a lot more of it from me in the future. I think some people need a reminder of it's meaning.
Don’t call me family, then make me always the last person to find out about your bad times.
Don’t call me your best friend, when you treat me like your sugar mama or your bitch.
Don’t call me acquaintance, if you can’t remember my name.
Don’t call me your lover and tell me that you want to spend the rest of your life with me, then say you’ll never want to marry me.
Don’t call me Shona if you pronounce it like Shawna. It’s not my name. My name is Shona. Again, Shona. Like Show-nuh. I don’t call you Johnifer or Mickle or Asslay.
Don’t flirt with me if you’re a girl and not interested. As someone who likes girls, it’s really fucking confusing.
Don’t come to me and agree with everything I say here, then pull one of the damned stunts that I mentioned earlier.
If you are going to be anything to me:
Don’t lie.
Don’t steal.
Don’t cheat.
Don’t promise anything you can’t give me.
I am:
Honest
Respectable
Loving
Caring
Genuine
Romantic
Sympathetic
Not going to take your blue-in-the-face bullshit anymore.
I’m sorry guys, but I’m just sick of the selfishness. I’m sick of those who put themselves before others when it’s not a matter of survival. What happened to caring for someone genuinely and being a friend to the end? I don’t care how fucking sappy I sound. I miss love of many kinds, I miss someone smiling when they see me, I miss people calling to see how I am.
Think back to every death in your lifetime. What’s the number one regret? That they didn’t tell that person they were loved enough. It’s true.
Sparky I love you in “that way.”
My close friends who read all this and know I’m not talking about them, I love you in that “friend” way.
Am I dying? No. Why wait until then? |
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| There's a Shocker! |
[Jan. 7th, 2006|02:52 pm] |
What makes this even funnier is that I think I've actually stripped during this song.
| Your Stipper Song Is | 
Closer by Nine Inch Nails
"You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I�ve got no
Soul to tell"
When you dance, it's a little scary - and a lot sexy. |
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| What Have I Become!?! |
[Dec. 22nd, 2005|06:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
For the first time in my life I was called a workaholic today.
Can this be true? All those years of my mother calling me an ungrateful lazy ass say otherwise.
I don't know if I should be proud that I'm seen as productive, or insulted that I should seem so boring and yet so devoted to my job.
Oh, sorry I haven't been around much. Ten hour days and such tend to take up a lot of otherwise spare LJ time.
I miss you guys. |
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| Booya, Baby! |
[Dec. 5th, 2005|07:25 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | naughty | ] |
Alrighty, two pieces of business to attend to.
The "other girl" at work got fired today. I got her desk, her two flat screen monitors, and her leather recliner chair. I feel bad, but well - ok, so not really.
Ok. I rarely post random crap, but this was just too priceless not to share. Don't give me credit though, because I stole it off some guy on SG.
30 Interesting Facts about Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris has three facial expressions, and one of them is "with beard."
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't frig with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living poop out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the poop out of little kids.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 1st, 2005|12:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | devious | ] |
The "other girl" at work got transferred to another department today. She didn't move desks or anything though. Which sucks, really since I primarily don't want her there because it's her desk I want. Am I evil?
*shrug* |
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| Climbing Up an Apparently Very Short Ladder |
[Nov. 29th, 2005|06:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  relieved | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Kanye West f. Jamie Foxx - Gold Digger (don't laugh) | ] |
At work today, I got called into a private meeting with my boss. Jesus, I was scared.
What major account did I seriously mess up?
Breathe.
I was only 5 minutes late coming back from lunch, I swear!
Remember to breathe.
A script that I wrote wasn't offensive, was it?
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.
Much to my relief, it turns out that she wanted to to tell me to watch
out for the other new girl (who started a week before me) because she
has screwed up a lot already and is on the chat programs too much.
Another thing said is that my comprehension of the job is advancing far
more quickly than anyone could have hoped for, that I was doing a
really terrific job, and how nice it was to have me as a coworker and
employee.
Oh, and one other small detail. She gave me a key to the building and
my own personal security code for the monitoring system to let myself
in each morning.
Pretty good for only my third week, huh? |
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| My EYE! |
[Nov. 22nd, 2005|04:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | numb | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Madonna - Hung Up | ] |
I had to leave a few hours early today from work because of a dentist
appointment for some fillings. I was expected back at work, but had to
write an email explaining why. Below is the email, word for word.
"Hi Melanie!
Please tell Sherry and Shannon that I won't be back today after the
dentist. I can't remember their email addresses by memory. The dentist
put too much freezing in for my front tooth that my nose, and half of
my left eye is frozen. Yes, that's right. My EYE.
Thanks!"
Thank god the dentist did a kick ass job with my teeth, at least. |
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